Extra-marital affairs and two timing have always existed. As long as there are relationships…there will be cheating.
But with social and mass media being such a big part of our lives, how has cheating changed? Now that we can connect in such efficient ways, via social media sites, chat rooms and online dating sites…cheating is much easier, but it is also more exposed.
I intend to explore some issues I have discovered through my reflections and research on infidelity. I will draw comparisons to the way people have traditionally cheated and how people are finding loopholes and defining new ways of cheating through online media.
Beneath each paragraph, where I cover each issue, there are some questions you can choose to answer on my interview.me profile. If you wish to remain anonymous it can be arranged.
TRADITIONAL
Opportunity:
Example: To Rome With Love
The concept of how Opportunity, is being presented with an obvious chance to cheat on your perspective partner. This is most common since more often than not there is temptation at some point.
The example I’m referencing is from the Woody Allen film, To Rome With Love, which I used as the base of my inspiration to explore this subject since there was so much infidelity involved in the movie. As if it wasn’t a big deal…which I didn’t understand.
One situation in the movie involved an innocent newlywed wife who was presented with the opportunity cheat on her husband with her big celebrity crush. She decides that she will take that leap and cheat on her husband because she’ll never get the opportunity again. But when the moment was ruined by the celebrity’s wife interfering the spontaneous affair. The newlywed wife still goes along with her intentions of having an exciting affair with the first guy she sees! A criminal at that!
This had me in disbelief. She was fighting the temptation for so long and when it was not even presented to her anymore, she did it because she was committed to the idea. This is the opportunity issue. When being tempted multiple times already…sometimes even the most faithful of people can become unfaithful.
Gender Theory:
Example: To Rome With Love
In the same movie mentioned above To Rome With Love, there was the other side of the story between the newlywed couple.
While the wife was being courted by a famous actor, the husband found himself in a peculiar situation of temptation as well. There had been some sort of mix up, where a prostitute had been mistakenly paid for the newlyweds husband who gets caught with her in the presence of his family. To cover up the idea of him being with a prostitute, he plays it off as if the prostitute(played by Penelope Cruz) is actually the newlywed wife.
At the end of the day he had denied the advances of the prostitute insistently and gotten away with making his family believe that she was the wife. But Cruz’s character decides to teach him a lesson….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1kHPZQBh9M
The prostitute believes that the husband must have a sexual experience with her , claiming “You really need a lesson in love.” after finding out that he was a virgin before he met his wife.
After the encounter with Cruz and finally reuniting with his wife, he’s suddenly a different man. A more dominant and aggressive alpha male which turns out to be an aphrodisiac to his wife…who JUST committed adultery as well. I understand this was just a movie..but it makes me wonder what Woody Allen was trying to say with this? The wife cheats on her husband was a dangerous criminal and at the same time the husband must have an affair with a hooker to feel more like a man in the arms of his wife?
It brings up the issue of the type of gender roles that may be expected in a relationship and the possible reasons why they may evidently start affairs. For example women may start an affair with a guy they see as more aggressive and dangerous then her spouse. Or how the man must brush up in his sexual deviousness to fully satisfy his partner, by cheating on a different less innocent woman. Begs the question, have these gender roles been seen as a social norm?
Power Issue:
Example: General Petraeus fallout
Here we have the perfect example of infidelity by a party that has a great deal of power, and we’ve all seen it before. Clinton did it Schwarzenegger did it. But here we have a more recent example and how digital media played a part.
We all know the story, an apparent affair between with journalist Broadwell, pictured above. Which was confirmed with over 200 email conversations. The idea that not even the head of the CIA can keep his emails from being private really shows us that ANYBODY would be able to uncover any of our online conversations a lot easier than we probably think. In Petraeus’s situation he was probably given the illusion that through online messaging his privacy will be kept. But we can touch on that later.
Anyways there is a defiant trend of men in a position of power and being unfaithful. So why is that?
“Power is an aphrodisiac” according to Dr. Phil during an episode of the View while discussing the Petraeus scandal.
And it’s true by evidence of such stories like this. Often the men in positions of power like Petraeus find more opportunity to have an affair because women are drawn to them. This makes these men have a sense of entitlement, like this is just one of the perks of the job, and they think nothing of it, or the lives they are harming.
Here is just an example of some men in power who have cheated.
Another gender role that we may be touching on here in terms of power?
DIGITAL THEORY FOR CHEATING
Accessibility:
Examples: Craigslist, Chat rooms, Dating sites
Over half of all U.S. households have Internet access and there is an estimated 40 million sexually explicit web sites, chat rooms, bulletin boards and interactive games that are available to anyone. Now imagine a time before these types of resources were out there. If a spouse was intending to have an affair or even considering it, would they have actually followed through without this type of access? Now because it is extremely accessible, affordable, and the ability to hide one’s identity, these digital devices may help people feel that they can escape being caught and in effect actually following through in being unfaithful.
I know a friend of mine who ended her marriage because her husband met a girl on Craigslist and had an affair. I’m sure there are many more examples like may friend who had to end a marriage because of that. Many online dating sites have members who secretly are already in a marriage or relationship. Even Facebook is being used to meet people and be unfaithful. I believe it’s the easy access for some people in relationships that may encourage this type of behavior. Just imagine the possible broken marriages or relationships that could have occurred back when people didn’t have this time of access to meet people.
But I digress I understand virtual media has also started many relationships instead of ending some. Can we agree however that this is an issue in this age of technological communication for struggling relationships? Is the Issue of accessibility a concern for a worn out relationships and or marriages?
Legitimacy:
Example: Catfish
The documentary Catfish brings up a disturbing concern of how legitimate an online relationships may be. It touches on the fact that the person you may be talking to through social media…may not be who they say or even appear to be.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y28mRCOxpg8
What was brought to my attention in the documentary was something that wasn’t really explained in more detail in the aftermath of the whole ordeal. Like Nev(The main subject in the documentary)said, the girl he was talking to wasn’t really who she said she was. In fact she was married and had kids.
In the movie Nev explains how he was involved emotionally with this person he was talking to online and even admits falling in love. Same goes for Angela(the impersonator) So is it safe to safe that they had some sort of relationship? Even though it wasn’t legitimate. What concerned me was what her husband thought about all this..? Would he of considered this cheating on her part, or would he just brush it off since it wasn’t a real physical relationship, even though emotions were indeed involved. The movie never specified on it.
This brings up the issue of Legitimacy and how this is in question, a form of cheating. Impersonating yourself as someone and developing an emotional relationship with someone else in a virtual space. Would most people considered this cheating or a new loophole for people in a relationship or marriage for some sort of adventure?
Moral Issue:
Example: Ashley Madison
When presenting this concept to my peers I was made aware of a very real dating site which exclusively is intended for married individuals looking for an affair. This by far is the most concerning media object that I discovered in my research on this topic. To actually have a community of cheaters online is a new barrier that has been broken.
This is of course the moral issue that is being brought up. It’s true that there are already individuals involved in relationships on regular dating sites. But to actually promote it as a source of revenue, questions how far people are willing to cheat through these digital means.
The fact of advocating adultery has brought up some of the medias displeasure and talk shows hosts in an up rage. CEO and founder of the site Noel Biderman has been confronted and brought to many talk shows pleading his case, claiming that he is a businessman who saw an opportunity in an untapped market. Key word, untapped. This solidifies the ideas an issues I have already mentioned. There is indeed a community of people with intentions of cheating online and with sites like Ashley Madison this community can continue to grow. Why? because it’s easy access for that specific community of cheaters looking for the same thing, which there in lies even more opportunity to commit adultery. This I fear can only get worse
So has cheating become such a norm that there is a social divide of morality on the web?
OVERVIEW
I understand that we may never fully understand why people may continue to cheat(knowing they can just leave a relationship, but that’s for a different discussion) But I do believe cheating is more common now since there are a lot more vehicles for cheating. And one thing is for certain, technology and the internet has indeed made it easier for couples to have affairs and commit adultery. It can almost be as easy as shopping on eBay, because you literally can just google, “I want to have an affair”. So can we say that before the internet some couples would just struggle within their marriages, since they may not have had a resource like the internet with its type of access to follow through with it?
There is defiantly some other issues that I may not have covered so feel free to add-on with anything else that I might have missed in the comments.
Or to participate furthermore in this discussion, feel free to answer these questions on my interview.me page.
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